Mission Accepted Podcast, June 2022
I was thrilled to be a guest on Deb Drummond’s Mission Accepted podcast. The name, Mission Accepted, resonates into my marrow, because that’s how I feel about my work with women going through and healing from divorce (or the marriage that came before). It’s a mission!
Listen to Episode 138: A Kaleidoscopic Divorce Survival Kit
Deb Drummond,https://debdrummond.com/
Through my involvement in support groups, I see thousands upon thousands of women suffering such intense pain after the end of their long-term marriages. So many are stuck in grief, fear and trauma, they are unable to move forward in their lives. It’s tragic for them, their families, and society as a whole. Here are these women, in the prime of their lives when they should be so powerful and finally ready to go after their own dreams (now that their kids are grown), but they’ve been knocked down by divorce. And the longer someone was married, the longer it takes to get back up.
In this deep dive with Deb, we talk about the journey of healing from such a significant, life-altering and often soul-shattering experience as divorce. (It’s a pretty long conversation, so if you want to jump straight to the divorce-focused material, go to the 25-minute mark and start rolling from there).
Some of the things we talk about include the role of childhood trauma – often on the part of both partners – in marriage breakdown. People with unhealed childhood trauma are often acting from deeply unconscious programming and reactive patterns in their nervous systems that affect their ability to interpret another’s behaviour and respond in a measured, open and compassionate way. This leads to major breakdowns over time.
Becoming conscious of our own and our partner’s patterns requires willingness and a higher level of consciousness to work through old patterns safely and productively together.
Another topic we explore is alignment. Over a long marriage, people change, and they don’t always change in the same direction or to the same degree as their partner. This puts them out of alignment with each other. The only way to stay in alignment as a couple is for one or both partners to sacrifice being in alignment with their own inner being, and that is a recipe for misery over the long term. Alignment is based on frequency, or vibration if you prefer, and when two frequencies are not in alignment? Well, it’s like music. When frequencies are aligned, you get harmony. When frequencies are misaligned, you get discord, like a sour note. It’s that simple. These relationships CANNOT flourish and separating really is best for both partners.
So, even though the end of a marriage can FEEL like the end of the world – and there is no doubt it can be severely traumatizing and take awhile to heal from – divorce can also be a doorway to a whole new level of self-exploration, self-understanding and self-expression that could never have happened within the confines of a marriage. For women who have spent their entire lives tuning into and serving the needs of others, often ignoring or not even recognizing their own needs, getting out of a long marriage can be like a bird leaving its cage. I have seen many women blossom into a new, more joyful and empowered version of themselves, as they have healed from their divorce, their marriage, and all the trauma that unfolded.
The key to reaching this place is a holistic approach to healing that works with not just the heart and mind but also the body and soul. This is where I come in, as a holistic coach and healer. Not only have I been through the experience of a traumatic divorce myself, through intensive study and healing work I am now very well-versed in the mechanisms of trauma and how to approach healing it. This involves learning how to create safety and connection, how to develop internal resources of strength and capacity to heal, how to love, honour, trust and forgive yourself, how to anchor into a new, more empowered identity, how to manage and deactivate triggers, how to set and maintain boundaries, how to develop a resilient growth mindset, and more. It is deep, deep work and I am honoured to facilitate women’s journeys on this path to personal power and holistic wellbeing.
Work with me to heal from your divorce
Healing is so important, and SO possible, with the right tools and support.
If you feel that the end of your marriage (or perhaps the trauma of a marriage you HAD to leave) is still affecting you in a very negative way, I offer a private 1:1 healing and coaching container. I will work with you to release the trauma, grief and pain, heal your inner being, and create healthier, happier, more empowered ways of being in the world.
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